Monday, 11 February 2013

Father to the Fatherless

Raquel Suizo Lapitan
7 Sept. 1936 - 03 Feb. 2013
7:45 AM, Sunday
Pagadian Metro Specialist Hospital

Saying goodbye to a Father is surreal. It is like a bad dream. Until now I could not believe that Papa is gone and it has been 8 days since he drew his last breath before me. My bereavement leave ends today and here I am, feeling like I just came from a bad hangover. I haven't really cried. As I remember, I felt relieved that Papa has finally rested and I remember kissing his hand and asking for the hospital bill. I remember singing Another Time, Another Place - a favorite of mine and Precy's (we sang that since college and it feels good to sing that song whenever I am upset). I thank God that Precy was there. I remember Precy and I woke up early and had our early morning run from Napolan to the Hospital - we bought meds and breakfast. I remember walking behind Papa's doctor and entered his hospital room. I remembered the doctor saying he will go anytime that day and that we should take note the time of his death. I remember him saying to the nurses to give Oxygen to aid Papa's breathing.

But I could not remember how long, how many minutes or seconds from then until Papa drew his last breath. I remembered calling the nurse to check on Papa's because I thought he was no longer breathing. I remember looking hopefully at stethoscope and the sphygmomanometer. I remember when the the ECG was wheeled into Papa's room. I remember the ECG machine printed a straight line. But I don't know how long i stood there just looking at Papa, peaceful in his slumber. I always have the urge to pinch my nose, knock my head or anything to wake me up.

It was not easy. Since I was little, I have this scenario in my mind - when my parents will go away. I thought about how should I deal with it and how should I react. I thank God that He prepared my heart for that moment. I thank God that he made things lighter for me. I can feel Papa everywhere I go. I think Papa knows I'm sad more that I'm showing.

I love you Pa. I will continue to make you proud. Thank you Lord, because you are a Father to the Fatherless. I stand in awe.