Saturday, 11 February 2012

Sad Heart

I have always maintained that I am not going to blog when my heart is sad. A sad heart is not a sunny-side-up heart. Today is an exception.

I think I have to face it. Chielo is gone. For many months now I have long pretended that she is just ignoring me and we just have our first ever "tampuhan". I thought my missing her would somehow go away after a while. I has been four months now and I still feel sick about it. I guess, it is because I feel so sad this week that I missed her more. So I say, "Dear God, I miss Chielo very much, please allow me to write her a letter and pretty please tell her to read it." I have tons of letters for Chielo already. Many times in the past, I just kept myself busy with my little girl, and now work.

Chielo has done many things in my life in a very short while. I  met her in January 2007 and lost her in September 2011. I thought I never really lost her, that she is just somewhere out there. But no, I think I lost her. It has been very difficult to admit that. I haven't cried since. I really want to cry. I really want to move on. But I just couldn't. I miss you so so so so much today. I do not want to burden you with the heavy things in my heart but I know you wouldn't mind.

By the way, Federer lost at the Australian Open. Nadal lost too. You know better who won. And the only thing that makes me thankful about you not following tennis anymore, it is that you will not have a chance to root for Djokovic. I hope you have a sunny day wherever you are! I love you!